I can't do it yet!

“But what if I can’t do it?”

“It won’t look like yours!”

Oftentimes we see children in the classroom who are afraid to learn new works or try new works because it won’t be perfect the first time. They know the areas of the classroom that they are comfortable in and stick to works from those areas. A new lesson is met with: no thanks because I don’t know how to do that. Many of these children have an inherent need for perfection, a trait that puzzles teachers and their parents: But we never expect perfection at home; I don’t know where they got it from.

With writing or picking up a pencil, to some extent we understand the hesitation. Writing is a tricky skill and needs the hand to work in many different ways. Also, writing is tricky because it usually starts with them seeing a finished product. They see what perfection looks like. As a result, it is a skill that we don’t push until they seem like they are ready. We initially encourage them to trace over what we have written with a yellow pencil.

What is most puzzling is when there is a fear to try something new at an open ended project, for example at the art table. While we reiterate that there are no mistakes in these works, children many times will say that they don’t want to do things “wrong”.

What can we do, as adults, to support children to make mistakes, to show them that there is accomplishment in just trying something new? More importantly, to show they that they are not good at something… yet!

One of the best ways that I’ve found is something that we use in the classroom for all types of “lessons”: Modeling Behavior. I emphasize “mistakes” that I make at home and then verbalize how I feel, what I learnt and what I’m going to do next. It sounds a bit silly at times but I do it in front of the children, even if it is not directed at them.

“O man, I tried this new way of making bread and it didn’t work! That is a bit frustrating. I don’t think we can eat this one. But you know what, maybe I will try again tomorrow.” (PS – True story)

It helps children understand what feelings are normal and shows them that making mistakes (and picking yourself up again) is a life-long skill. I’ll never forget when my son asked me, “Wait, adults get frustrated?” He actually thought that this is a thing that only happens when you are young and I felt a bit bad disappointing him. But then we talked about what I do when I get frustrated or how I’m still learning new skills (parenting you is one of them 😊).

I’m sure all of you know that children watch and listen to everything that happens in the house, especially when they are not part of the conversation. Use their sneaky skill to show them how to face failure and why it’s important to try again.

Our other go-to strategy at school for many areas of development is reading books! Children love reading and to be read to and finding stories that show frustration/mistakes/negative emotions are a great way to get them to understand how to cope. A great place to start is https://www.weareteachers.com/perfect-read-alouds-for-teaching-growth-mindset/

A great lesson for us to keep in mind and for some healthy introspection: How are mistakes handled in our home and when I do it? How can I use them to teach my child about the growth mindset?